A shark is swimming beside us, a shark with a long, fat tail. It slinks along the ocean floor, drawing slow circles behind glass. Its smooth blue-grey skin gleams. It could bite us if it wanted to, but I don’t care, because we’re together. It could swim straight through the screen, to you and me. We look together at the screen, as a man’s voice tells us how the fish and plants live underwater, caressing each other and then, the next moment, eating each other up.
Out on the streets, everything is deserted, everyone has to stay inside. You’re lying on the bed. You don’t know I’m here yet, although you’re hoping I will be. You’ve been longing so hard for me for so long now. And look, I’m finally here. I’m with you and I’m yours. Your property. You’re lying here in bed in this room, killing time. You’re not allowed outside because the streets are full of viruses. Someone could infect you and that’s something you really need to avoid, the doctor said. You can’t take any risks at all. Not for yourself but not for me either.
Let me in, now that I’m here. Let me move inside you and swim around as if in a story that no one is writing. I am in hiding, I was never in the habit of staying anywhere but I want to be inside you forever. I am the point you’ve been working towards all this time. To the orgasm that leads somewhere. All the desire burned away for a moment.
Freed from desire. That was where you always wanted to get to, a state beyond that tedious all-consuming desire, you want to roam in a timeless sea of softness and Sunday mornings among pillows and with soft kisses and cups of tea. That’s where it happens, real life, the new life you dream of, with me.
I am the little octopus that will possess you completely with its hands of clay. With my tentacles, I can disappear into anything. As you’re sleeping, I’ll come creeping up on you. Slowly, so slowly, I’ll embrace you with my thousand arms, gradually penetrating all the way into you and making you dizzy. I am your remedy, your mattress, your everything, I am your here and there and on and under, I could hunt you down like a shark. I am the pet animal inside your belly, taking over your whole body and touching all your senses, vaporising your breath with every kick, making your body fuller by the day. You want to make yourself bigger by multiplying yourself.
Let’s not think too much about the moment I arrived here. It was all rather technical, what he did to get you wet and to get you ready. He knows the tricks and the moves, he looked it all up online. He knows what lust is, but he doesn’t feel what lust is. He fucked you and that’s how it happened. He thinks he’s got style because he wears velvet and shirts that are handmade.
Handmade, that’s the best line, then people automatically think it’s beautiful. I’m handmade too, but I really am the most beautiful thing you’ll ever have in your life, truly beyond compare, I can tell you that now, and you’ll go on telling me that for the rest of my life. So love me with all the passion in your soft body, which is now my entire world.
Which photo filter will you use for me, later, to make me look more beautiful or to get rid of all my wrinkles? I look at you and I can find no fault with you, because I can already feel you so close, because I’m looking through the window of your body and can see only you. That is desire. The desire of an unborn child, of an unformed little creature, for an adult human being. Is that something you’re familiar with? I don’t think it’s ever occurred to you, but I want to make love with you. I try to make that clear to you at night, with soft knocks on the wall. You’ve never experienced it, you don’t know that someone so close to you can long for you so incredibly, so maddeningly much, and you try to soothe me with a glass of milk or some gentle rubbing from your slightly swollen hand, but I want more. You don’t dare to give in to it, but deep down you know. It’s as if I’m in quarantine and I’m not allowed to touch anyone, but I’m inside your belly, that’s the difference, I am you and you are a part of me. We could not be any more intimate and yet you don’t dare. I’m getting desperate. The temptation is there for me, day and night. You are here, I want to make love with you, Mama. You’re so beautiful that I want to take you with me, for whole livelong days and livelong dark nights at a time, somewhere underwater in the deep sea and I want to see you swimming in circles like a shark, taking pleasure, we’ll swim through the seaweed together.
In a few months’ time, I’ll slide out of you, into the world, and I’ll become the big little girl you’ll be so proud of, so beautiful and so alluring in the sunlight to everyone who sees her, including men who are far too old who will also have their eyes on me, and I’ll look back, brazenly, into their faces, and they’ll be afraid of all that fearlessness. I will already know everything there is to know about desire because I’m here with you. I am the young girl who will later give herself to everyone, but I will always belong to you.